


Thinnest Ice

by Caedmon



Series: Amelioration in Budapest [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Budapest, Clint Feels, Clint Needs a Hug, Clintasha - Freeform, F/M, Insecure Clint Barton, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, return to Budapest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-04
Packaged: 2018-02-11 18:40:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2078907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caedmon/pseuds/Caedmon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint has awoken from the mind control Hydra had him under to find that he's broken Natasha's heart. He's desperate to set things right, and he sets out to find her. Where is she? </p><p>Budapest, where it all began.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thinnest Ice

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of my series, 'Amelioration in Budapest'. Each work in the series will make more sense if read in order, since they build off of one another. 
> 
> Each work in the series is named after a song. The work is not inspired by the lyrics, but I felt that the lyrics fit the work, at least in part. I'll include the lyrics or a link to the lyrics at the end of each work.
> 
> Thank you for reading! Please feel free to leave comments, feedback, or kudos...they're EXTREMELY welcome! 
> 
> caedmonfaith.tumblr.com

Budapest. It always comes back to Budapest. And maybe that’s metaphorical…she remembers us fighting for our survival. I remember falling in love with her that last night. 

I dragged her back to our safe house, wounded and bleeding, and I stitched her up. The way she looked up at me when I laid her on the bed and ripped off her sleeve to get to the gash on the underside of her arm; there was terror in my heart, but there was absolute trust in her eyes and the smallest ghost of a smile on her lips. 

“You keep tearing off my clothes, Barton, I’m gonna get ideas.”

Then she fainted, and my heart nearly stopped out of pure, unadulterated fear. 

It was that precise moment - when I realized how afraid I really was of losing her - that it hit me I loved her. I’d been compromised. And to be honest, that was as terrifying as the thought of losing her. 

Yeah it all comes back around to Budapest, where she remembers fighting to save us and I remember falling for her. Now that I was flying on Tony’s private jet to Hungary, I realized that it’s come full circle. I’m fighting to save us and have to make her fall in love - at the very least forgive me.

~*~

It took a fair amount of convincing to get Natasha’s location out of Tony. Steve found out what I wanted and was completely against it. He presented an extremely compelling argument and took my guilt - which was already so powerful I thought I would choke from it sometimes - and compounded it to a level that was unbearable.

“I don’t know what you said to her,” he told me, “but whatever it was haunted her. It never left her. Sometimes I’d think she’d be clear of it, then something would happen or someone would mention you and she’d just look wounded. She’d shut down. Like a puppy that’s been kicked. If she’s gone off to heal, you need to leave her the hell alone.”

I had imagined the pain I caused her. I’d seen it all over her face when I said the things I said to her in my cell while under Hydra’s mind control, and I’d tortured myself with the knowledge that I’d brought her grief, but hearing evidence of what I’d done was excruciating. 

“I can’t leave her alone, Steve. I can’t.” He huffed, but I continued. “I have to try to fix this. She deserves an apology.”

“Apologize when she gets back and there are people around who can comfort her if you break her again.”

I fought the urge to punch him at that.

Tony broke in, standing up and walking over to us. “That was a bit harsh, Cap.” He reached us and raised his hands in a surrendering gesture, looking at both of us. “Guys, we all care about Natasha and want the best for her…”

Steve’s eyes never left mine. “Some of us more than others.”

I was gritting my teeth and struggling to keep my voice even. “You fall in love with her, Cap? You make a play for her and she shoot you down?” I had my hands clenched to my sides, fighting with myself not to hit him and praying he said no, that they were just friends. He could say anything but he had fallen for her and they had a relationship. I just couldn't have handled that.

“No. Nothing like that at all. I just give a damn about her. I gave a damn when you didn’t. I picked up the pieces when you destroyed her. And if you think you’re getting to her to break her again, you’re going to have to go through me.”

That was all I needed to hear. _"I ALWAYS GAVE A DAMN ABOUT HER!"_ I moved to get to him because he wasn’t going to stop me from getting to her, but Tony put his hand on my chest and stopped me. “Okay, that’s enough team-building for today. Separate corners, fellas. Go to the gym or the shooting range or watch a movie or go to the bar or whatever it is that you do. Just stay the hell away from each other until you cool down.”

Steve gave me one more angry look before he stormed out, muttering, and slammed the door behind him. Tony and I both watched him go then Tony turned around to me. “How do I know you’re sincere? How do I know you’re not full of shit and Cap’s right?”

“Tony, why would I deliberately set out to hurt my partner? She means more to me than any person in this world. I have to fix it. Why would I want to wreck it any further?”

“You wrecked it in the first place.”

“Hydra used me to do that. My only guess is they wanted to break us up.”

Tony studied my face for a long time. “Psych cleared you and swear you’re free of whatever they did to you. I’m sending you to FBI HQ to go against their best lie detector and interrogator. I’m inclined to believe you, but I want to double check. If you pass, I’ll fly you out in the morning.”

“What about Cap?”

“Don’t worry about Cap. I’ll deal with him.”

I looked down at my feet and swallowed hard before looking back up at him. “Tony, is Steve…did he and…?”

“There’s nothing there. You’re fine.”

“Thanks, Tony.”

“No sweat.”   


~*~

It was late afternoon when I landed in Budapest, almost evening, and a chill had set into the air. I debated about going to the safehouse right away or waiting until morning and decided to wait. Nat’s a morning person and it would be easier to talk to her when she’s cheerful and rested. 

I found a hotel a couple of blocks away from the safe house and checked myself in. Waiting is kind of my thing - I'm a sniper, I spend a lot of time waiting for the perfect shot - but I was antsy. I started pacing the room, contemplating my next moves. The next 24 hours and what I did with them, how I handled myself - everything was riding on this day. I was going to end up with all or nothing. I was about to be made or broken.

I realized for the first time just how thin the ice is that I was tap dancing on - just how much power Natasha holds over me. She can destroy me, and it would be quid pro quo. I would have deserved it more than anyone has ever deserved anything. I certainly don’t deserve her. 

I kept pacing. Should I go and try to see her? Should try to find her? Maybe I should just confirm that she’s in the safehouse. If she’s not, I’ll need more time to find her, right?

I convinced myself that I was just going to find out if she was in the safehouse, to confirm she was there, but I knew better. I could say that to myself out loud - and I did - but I knew good and well that I just craved the sight of her so much that I couldn’t stand another second. I’d made my decision. I got dressed, making sure to look unassuming but not really disguising myself. I took one last look in the mirror. 

“Okay, Barton. Go find her. Get a look at her, then get your sorry ass back here.”

“Let me save you the trip.”

I ran out of the bathroom and nearly collided with her. The door was closing behind her and she was pocketing the key card that had let her into my room. Her green eyes never broke contact with mine and held no smile or warmth when she asked me without preamble, “Why are you here, Clint?”

**Author's Note:**

> How did we get here lost in the wilderness  
> Pretending we had a chance of bringing this to life  
> Stranded in your eyes I see a shoreline  
> And I’m reaching for the light, but nothing’s black and white  
> It’s too late when you realize  
> (walking on the thinnest ice)  
> And i feel like i’m falling, and i know i’m in the line of fire  
> I know that your love is the only thing that can help me  
> (walking on the thinnest ice)  
> No darling don’t let go  
> Cause I feel like i’m freezing here  
> And your kiss is the only thing keeping me, keeping me alive  
> Helpless and out of time, tempted to fan the flame  
> Devoted to play your game, and I won’t put up a fight  
> You’re my last bit of cover now, you’re the bed that I made  
> We had our chance to be safe, but we don’t care who wins  
> The music’s in the tension  
> How it says to get out says to get down  
> But we keep on spending our time  
> (walking on the thinnest ice)
> 
> Thinnest Ice~  
> Andy Davis & Daniel Tashian


End file.
